Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Pastie Files

I can't believe tonight is the final night of class. It's down to the (under)wire now people. Tonight we present our ideas for our routines. Music, dance, costume-whatever we have in the works. I feel ready to get my ideas out there. I've got my music picked out and a rough estimate of how my routine is gonna go. idea....take off idea........take off idea.....take off idea....BIG FINISH! Maybe I should insert jazz hands in there somewhere. Or not.

 I have some of my costume done, but the majority still needs work. I do have a really cool corset though. It makes my waist super tiny. Or course that's after someone exerts about 1,000 lbs of pressure on the lacings! Suck it in! (foot up on the back) Pull! I bought if off of ebay of all places, cheap from Hong Kong. The seller actually sent me two by accident, and not wanting to fuck up my karma I wrote her to tell her that. The email I received in return was priceless. "Thank you for your honest. Since you already get it, how about I sell you cheap? Five dollars?" Uh, thank you, but no. I then told her I would be happy to send it back, but I wasn't paying shipping costs. The reply-"Oh, shipping cost too much. You keep, give to your friend. Give me good rating." Awww, she thinks I have friends.

So at the beginning of this class, I had a moment of total insanity excitement and bought three corsets which resulted in a temporary ban from ebay by Chris. But my question is, why do all corsets come with a generically sized, matching G-string? Do people wear them? I'm sure as hell not going to. They are not flattering. But if you buy enough corsets, what do you do with them? Weave them in to a sail for a boat? Some kind of net? Or maybe we should start a G-string drive for strippers who can't afford them.

The other thing I need to get is pasties. Kind of an important part of the costume if that's all that's between the audience and my naughty bits. I never knew how many types there were. It's like a pastie wonderland out there! Hearts, flowers, stars, aces, skulls (yes, skull pasties) oh my! The best thing I saw-black pasties with FLASHING red hearts hanging off of them. Oh, yeah. From a company called Elegant Moments. Ohhh, yeah. And in the "Customers who bought this product also bought"-A Live Butterfly Garden? Really? Pasties and butterflies? Whatever.

I also FINALLY mastered putting on false eyelashes. Waaaaay harder than it looks. I've been struggling with that for weeks, but a great tip about using tweezers to place them has paid off. Thanks Miss B! As long as I don't poke myself in the eye. Thanks corneal abrasion! When I actually got them on straight for the first time I let out a cry of triumph and ran into the living room.

Me: I'm a woman now!

Chris: You weren't before?

Me: Look at my eyes!

Chris: They're magical.


Needless to say, it was a powerful moment.

So now it's time to put it all together. We have our last class, then two weeks off before the big graduation show. Stay tuned....

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