Last week my friend Jessi was visiting from Canada. So, being the good host that I am, I of course forced her to come along on my Burlesque Costume Excursions. Deep into Outer South East we ventured, making our way to the elusive Joann's Fabrics. I had crafted a set of pasties and I needed to cover them with some pretty fabric. I found some I liked and proceeded to get in the line for fabric cutting. When my number was called I handed my fabric to a 50ish man with a ponytail. Out of all the little old ladies cutting fabric, he was the only man. I only actually needed about six inches worth of fabric, but figured a yard would give me room to make a few prototypes. And you never know when some extra fabric will come in handy in a costume. Just one yard of fabric and then I was out the door. But no, I had to get the nosy guy.
Me: One yard please.
Him: Just one yard? What are you making?
What went through my head at this point went something like this: What did he say? Did he just ask what I was making? Why? Crap. I can't say "pasties". Uhh. Uhhh. Say something! Anything!
Jessi told me later that I looked like a deer in the headlights. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, making frantic "hurry up" gestures. Now normally I'm pretty quick on the draw. A witty comment, a lie, something should have rolled right off my tongue. Not this time, however. This time, what came out of my mouth was....."A hat?"
FAIL!!! Wow, that was lame. What was even better was, according to Jessi, I also made the accompanying "i don't know" shrug. So clearly, I was lying. And badly. As we exited the store, the hilarity of that exchange hit us. Doubled over with laughter, all we can say is "A HAT!" Really, a hat? That's the best I could do? Of course a list of more probable, or a least, funnier ideas came to mind almost instantly.
1. A jaunty cape for my cat, Mr. Oliver Angus McWhiskers.
2. A satin tea cozy.
3. A replica of Scarlett's green dress from Gone With the Wind...for Barbie.
4. None of your fucking business, that's what.
Yeah, that would have been great....
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Well, It really wasn't a complete lie. You were making two hats for your nipples !
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