Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Very Special Episode of Frosty the Snowman...

Hello readers of my bog! What do we call you anyway? People who blog are bloggers, so are people who read blogs...bleaders? (I need a pint of A negative, STAT!) Anyhoo, it's Christmas and what better way to celebrate than take a beloved children's classic and make it wildly inappropriate! Thanks to one of my fave entertainers, Neil Patrick Harris, here we go....

How great was that? My favorite part was where he said he would punch a baby. It takes a lot of balls to punch a baby. I mean, most people just don't have that kind of nerve. Then it ends up being an advertisement for How I Met Your Mother. That's kind of lame. But still, SUPER funny.

Hope everyone has a happy holiday!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Horton needs to cowboy up...

I was watching Horton Hears a Who with a friend's kid yesterday and I think I've discovered the real meaning of the story. I love Dr. Seuss and all, but I found myself a little disturbed. It's not so much about "A person's a person, no matter how small." It's more about that bitch kangaroo needing to mind her own fucking business. Does it really matter that Horton talks to a speck of dust. I mean, I know there ACTUALLY IS a whole town on that speck, but what if there wasn't? What if Horton was really bat-shit crazy and talking to phantom Whos? SO FUCKING WHAT?! Is it hurting anyone? Is the dust speck telling him to take out the whole island? Maybe ritually sacrifice the baby animals? No. So what the fuck Jane Kangaroo. Why you gotta be up in Horton's grill like that. 

And why isn't Horton more protective of the dust speck? Seriously, you are all that stands between Whoville and total destruction. You can't fight back a little? Way to just give it up Horton. Dig deep and channel some of that repressed anger. You could have stomped that bitch kangaroo and punched her stupid baby. And what the hell is up with those monkeys? The Wickersham brothers. When did the Irish Mob go tropical? Come on Horton, stand up and fuck some shit up. 

Oh, and Jane Kangaroo? Come near my dust speck and I will cut you.....bitch.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Back Off Facebook Stalker!

So I'm on Facebook and I see I have a new friend request. Now, I'm super picky about my Facebook. I'm not friending anyone that I'm not actually friends with. I don't need to search out and friend everyone that I've ever come into contact with just to up my numbers. Like, "Oh remember me, random guy from that party at that chick's house?" No. If you're on my Facebook it means we actually have some sort of communication on a regular basis. I will, in fact, periodically delete people that I don't talk to. It's kind of cruel I know, but seriously, I don't care if some girl from high school that I had one class with is super excited about seeing New Moon. Fuck that.

So there's this girl that tried to friend me. We went to high school together. I knew who she was, but we weren't friends or anything. I don't even remember if I even liked her or not. So I ignored her. And I felt fine about it. Then a few days later she tried to friend me again. I'm confused. I know Facebook doesn't tell people when you ignore them. So is she waiting for me to friend her and noticing that I'm not? I still don't feel the need to be friends with this person so I ignore her again.

Cut to today. She is fucking TRYING TO FRIEND ME AGAIN! Bitch, get the clue! We never hung out, we had no classes or activities or ANYTHING together. And now you're just annoying. Back off stalker! Do you do this to everyone that won't friend you or is it just me? And why do you need me to be your friend on freakin' Facebook so badly? What the fuck?

So we'll see if she tries it again. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some people that just didn't make the cut...