Monday, December 14, 2009

Horton needs to cowboy up...

I was watching Horton Hears a Who with a friend's kid yesterday and I think I've discovered the real meaning of the story. I love Dr. Seuss and all, but I found myself a little disturbed. It's not so much about "A person's a person, no matter how small." It's more about that bitch kangaroo needing to mind her own fucking business. Does it really matter that Horton talks to a speck of dust. I mean, I know there ACTUALLY IS a whole town on that speck, but what if there wasn't? What if Horton was really bat-shit crazy and talking to phantom Whos? SO FUCKING WHAT?! Is it hurting anyone? Is the dust speck telling him to take out the whole island? Maybe ritually sacrifice the baby animals? No. So what the fuck Jane Kangaroo. Why you gotta be up in Horton's grill like that. 

And why isn't Horton more protective of the dust speck? Seriously, you are all that stands between Whoville and total destruction. You can't fight back a little? Way to just give it up Horton. Dig deep and channel some of that repressed anger. You could have stomped that bitch kangaroo and punched her stupid baby. And what the hell is up with those monkeys? The Wickersham brothers. When did the Irish Mob go tropical? Come on Horton, stand up and fuck some shit up. 

Oh, and Jane Kangaroo? Come near my dust speck and I will cut you.....bitch.

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